"Girl Turned Grief" by Jaimee Boake

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Jesulein komm macht mich fromme

five days after the funeral

roses rot on the counter

but to throw them out feels too final to bear

and grief rents a room in my heart,

sits with me at the dinner table

where everything tastes like chalk,

staring as I try to swallow my sadness,

instead of the other way round.

Das ich zu dir in himmel komm

I am girl turned teacup in shaky hands,

sloshing, spilling, delicate and difficult

to piece back together when I break and break,

an endless shattering,

try to glue myself together with a prayer I wish

I believed in as much as you

Mein hertz ich klein

I am girl turned paper cut,

that imperceptible, impossible ache,

that stinging slice

each day adding to the list of things I’ll miss:

three extra blankets just in case

a hug solid like a building’s foundation

a laugh I can’t recreate with words

so I search for your smile in the stars

Kan niemand heir rein

I am girl turned missing teeth,

faltering smile, gaping wound,

tongue slips

each time it tries to carry goodbye in that space

Als du mein liebes Jesulein

I am girl turned newspaper clippings,

cut apart

every attempt to remember

tucked in a wrought iron chest that you

would not wish to leave hollow

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Jaimee Boake (she/her) is a high school English Language Arts, Creative Writing, and Leadership Teacher in Sherwood Park, Alberta, Treaty 6 Territory. She loves reading, writing, spending time with her dogs, and is happiest, always, in the mountains. A recipient of the Martin Godfrey Award for Young Writers, she is very fortunate to have her work published in various magazines and anthologies, including a few upcoming. You can read more on Instagram @jaimeeannethology.